Reason 1: Smokey the Steam Pipe

First off, my reasons for my not liking cruises are in no certain order. In fact, this is not my numero uno ranked complaint, and the fact it is number one is arbitrary.

Okay, the big red double chimney-thingy on the Carnival ships is very tall and has black smoke pouring out of it. The billowing smoke can be seen for miles away at any of the excursions.

Hypothesis: A group of Carnival executives were sitting around the boardroom table, discussing how they could make their image greener. In a stroke of genius, some Carnival executive came up with the idea that instead of taking a step towards becoming greener, they would simply promote the idea that the big red double chimney-thingy is your friend. Master of spin, Smokey the Steam Pipe* was born.

Smokey the Steam Pipe quickly became the mascot for Carnival. He is on t-shirts, mugs, fridge magnets; a souvenir Smokey the Steam Pipe mug filled to the brim with rum punch can be purchased for a small fee; children's hats are made made in his image. People are crazy for Smokey the Steam Pipe. He is a diety. Yes, Smokey the Steam Pipe is the epitome of fun and destinations, therefore that billowing black smoke coming from the chimney's entrails cannot be bad, ya hear?
















*Funship Freddy is the actual name, and embodies the concept of the "Fun Day at Sea."

Skepticism and the Cruise

Its been a while since I last blogged. I really have no excuses, except sometimes it is difficult for a single young man to balance his social schedule with anything else.

I am a skeptic in general. I believe skepticism is a healthy and intellectual rigour as long as it doesn't cause you to become pessimistic or a pedant. Over the years I have been presented with opportunities to go on cruises, but have always skeptically dismissed them as "not my style." Instead of seeing a cruise as some magical connection with the past, a way to travel as in days of yore, a way to see many destinations at once, or an opportunity to relive scenes from Titanic, I imagined I would be like a prisoner who is told when to eat, sleep, and what to do. I imagined long lines to enter and exit the boat, a week of "hurrying up to wait," marching like good little ants and standing at attention when told to do so.

Disproving that what I have preconceived to be "not my style" is sometimes a worthy venture: I was also skeptical about doing all-inclusives in Mexico. But, I but discovered they are a great way to get out and see the reef, swim with the fish, scuba, practice Spanish, and besides, it is not far from home. I thought I would dislike Mexico, and especially the idea of all-inclusives, but they are a good, fun, cheap-and-easy fix, the people are nice, and willing to put up with my attempts at Es-pain-yole, and as a result I have gained Latin linguistic skill by leaps and bounds. All-inclusives may not reach the pinnacle of ideal vacations, but my time there was well spent, and I came away better for it.

I was presented, again, with the opportunity to cruise to Jamaica, Cayman Islands, and Cozumel. The trip was to be with a group of approximately 30 plus fun loving people. I decided if I was wrong about Mexico's all-inclusives, maybe I was wrong about cruising. It turns out to be worse than I ever imagined. I was right... only... wrong about how right I was.

I will tell you why I was wrong in the next posts....